Anything For a Friend

My friend, Carrie, emailed me about a month ago and asked if I would go to Florida with her. She wanted to take her two sons to the Jacksonville area for evaluations with a HANDLE specialist (more about HANDLE in my next post). One of her sons has autism, and she suspected that even though her other son is not on the spectrum he could still benefit from an evaluation. Carrie's husband would not be able to take the time off and she was concerned about making the trip by herself. So she asked if I would be interested in going with them. Hmmm...Florida in the springtime? Twist my arm, Carrie!

Because I have been somewhat interested in the HANDLE approach as well, I decided to bring Ryne along and have him go through a mini-evaluation. Florida is Ryne's favorite place in the world, so he was pretty thrilled -- even if the temperatures were in the 50s the first couple of days. Before you start feeling too sorry for my girls being left behind, they have had their trips alone with me too, plus they had plenty of fun with Daddy all week.

The trip went great. Carrie was a little nervous because Mason (above), her son on the spectrum, had never been on an airplane, but he did great. And he loved swimming, no matter how cold it was! Isn't he a cutie? Carrie did a great job of finding us a good deal on a condo, just steps away from a pool and the beach.

There's something about traveling with a friend that makes even frustrations seem fun. A broken-down rental car, my head cold, the health food store that just wasn't meant to be, a collapsed bed, outlets in the bathrooms that didn't work...all these things had us in stitches. Okay, maybe it took us a day or so to laugh about the car thing. Carrie (above) is a good sport for dealing with Enterprise's poor customer service.

Ryne had a good time with Carrie's boys. When we met at the airport the first thing Ryne said to Mason was, "Why do you talk like that?" Mason, who has limited verbal skills, seemed equally perplexed with Ryne, who had the hood of his sweatshirt pulled up, practically covering his face. So Mason simply reached up to pull the hood down, and I could just imagine Mason thinking, "I don't know why I sound funny, but you look funny with your hood all pulled up like that!" Carrie and I had to laugh at the irony of their interaction -- is inappropriate behavior really inappropriate when both parties are on the same page? Ryne also had fun with Nathan, Carrie's older son (above), even though half the time he got their names mixed up, calling them Nason or Mathon!

And me? It turned out to be quite a relaxing trip. Carrie spent most of her time with the consultant, but I stayed at the condo with Ryne and whatever boy wasn't with her. We had nice walks on the beach and lots of down time. My appointment with Ryne only lasted a couple of hours, but was profitable. Our last day brought bee-yoo-tee-ful weather and Carrie was done with all her appointments, so we all spent several hours playing on the beach. While it would have been nice walking down the beach with my hubby, I built some great memories with Ryne (above). Just what this burned-out mom needed.

So, Carrie, I'm glad I could be of help.

I Photoshopped...again!

After making my kids shiver in the cold through 34 attempts to get the perfect Christmas photo, I went back to the "drawing board" and played around some more. So here's take two:

I would love to know if there's a way to change the color of Grace's sweater to match the others. By the way, I'll give you some behind-the-scenes scoop. I was having trouble finding coordinating clothes, so Grace wore Anna's sweater, Anna wore my sweater (the shoulder seam is halfway down her arm!), and everyone wore pants that were definitely not picture worthy.

I Photoshopped!

Once upon a time I was a scrapbooker. I loved it. Anna's 1st year album was stuffed to capacity. Then having two kids 19 months apart took its toll on my scrapbooking. Ryne's 1st year album had about half as many pages, and I had to enlarge most of the photos to fill up the pages. Grace? Well, her 1st year album is sitting in various boxes and on my hard drive. And no one has anything in albums beyond their first year of life.

But I still love the idea of scrapbooking. Several years ago I bought Photoshop Elements 2.0 (version 7.0 is in stores now!), thinking it would be easier if I learned how to scrap digitally. No more trips to the scrapbook store, I reasoned. But I never could figure out how to use the darn thing. I used the tutorial, read magazine articles, and even looked for instructions on the web. But no matter how hard I tried, I could not figure out how to make the simplest layout.

Until Tuesday night. I'm not even sure how because I was not really looking for scrapbooking stuff, but I came across Two Peas in a Bucket and found some beginner tutorials. Finally, I figured out how to make layers! And lots more! I was so excited I stayed up most of the night playing around with it (not a good idea when you have to homeschool in the morning).

So here is my first project ever -- my attempt at a Christmas card. It's still in the "playing around" stage because I don't even have pictures of my kids for the card yet. I might not use the circles, but I thought it would be fun to try. So I'm hoping to get some constructive criticism from you ladies. LOL, I might have to go comment on some of your blogs to lure you over here! I obviously have a lot to learn yet, so don't be afraid to tell me what needs to be fixed.

Since this is the "blog version," I used BHA instead of our last name. The JOY, JOY, JOY theme has been a tradition with our cards for several years. I enclose a letter that includes several other Bible verses with the word JOY.

My dear husband looked at my handiwork and said, "Just what you need, another hobby." So true.

Fall Into Reading Challenge

I was visiting some new blogs today (an addiction in the making), and I stumbled across this:

You can read more about the challenge at Callapidder Days.

I keep a basket next to my bed to hold all my reading material, and it's getting pretty full. Many of the books are half-read, and others have been sitting there untouched for more than a couple of years. Some of them I really need to read so I can be a better autism mom. Others to be a better homeschool mom or a better Christian. What is always lacking in my reading basket is just plain pleasure reading. I love fiction, but struggle with the selection process. One book that has helped me in choosing books for my kids is Honey for a Child's Heart, so last year I bought Honey for a Woman's Heart. It is full of great fiction and non-fiction suggestions, and the first book I read based on her recommendation became one of my all-time favorites (The Heaven Tree Trilogy by Edith Pargeter). But since then I just have not made much time to read something "just because."

So I hereby commit to read the following books by December 20th:

RDI Books

Solving the Relationship Puzzle by Steven Gutstein
You would think that I would have read the intro RDI book by now, but I've been told by several people that it is too outdated since RDI has undergone several revisions. Nevertheless, I now think it would be a good idea for me to read it now to brush up on the basics. I have a fairly good general understanding of RDI now, so I should be able to recognize what has been updated.

Awakening Children's Minds by Laura Berk
I am actually already two-thirds through this book. I had originally checked it out from the library and ran out of renewals by the time I really started to get into it. Despite my slow start, I now understand why it is considered an RDI must-read.

Homeschooling Books

Drawing With Children by Mona Brookes
I'm the daughter of a former art teacher. I have shelves of high quality art supplies inherited from my mom, not to mention dozens of incredible art books and curricula. So what subject am I failing as a homeschool mom? Hopefully this book will start me on a better path.

Deconstructing Penguins by Lawrence and Nancy Goldstone
I just learned about this book from Smooth Stones Academy. I like this quote from the back cover, "Children often engage in passive reading, simply speeding through a book in order to check it off an assignment list. Yet kids become successful lifelong readers only when they delve into what a book means." ( finished 10/21)

Books on Christianity

Knowing Scripture by R.C. Sproul
This is a short book, but I think it will teach me volumes on how to really study my Bible.

Evangelicalism Divided by Iain Murray
I confess, I would never have picked this book out on my own. My pastor loaned it to me more than two years ago, so I could understand the events that have led to the decline in doctrinal education in the church. It is a dry read, but I have learned much from this book. I still have about 200 pages to go, and I don't have until December to finish it. My pastor has accepted a call at another church and will leave at the end of this month, so I need to return it to him before he leaves. We'll see if I actually get this one done!

A Call to Spiritual Reformation by Don Carson
Sharon at Equip Academy invited others to read this book with her. I was just telling my ladies Bible study at church this week how many prayer life has not been so great lately, so maybe this book will help me refocus.

Just Because Books

A Chance to Die by Elisabeth Elliot
I love biographies, and I love Elisabeth Elliot (if you have not read her books on her first husband, Jim Elliot, you must!). This book is the story of Amy Carmichael, a missionary to India and a poet. This book has been sitting in my basket for way too long.

Prince Caspian by C.S. Lewis
Anna has read all the Narnia books, a few of them twice, and this is her favorite. I, on the other hand, have only read The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (as a read-a-loud with her several years ago). I feel so deprived, so I am committing to Prince Caspian for now, but hopefully I will keep going after that. (finished 11/22)

The biggest challenge facing me is not the list of books to read, but rather figuring out how to balance this with my new blog addiction. Based on all the wonderful books I see in the sidebars of homeschool moms' blogs, it must be possible to keep up with both. If you have any tips, let me know!

School Year Calendar

Note: This is actually my second attempt at this post. The first time just before I hit "publish post" I highlighted the text to change the font and... poof! It was gone. Now that was a bad bloggin' day. So if this post seems lackluster, I can assure you it was better the first time. And if you love this post, I'm sure it was because it I spent double the time on it.

Writing about slowing down and taking time for mom got me thinking about something that has made a huge difference in the success of Blue House Academy, our school year calendar. One of the smartest decisions I've made in homeschooling is developing a calendar that reflects our family's needs and limitations. It is well-documented that children forget a lot over a long summer break, and I can especially see this with Ryne. He also really needs the structure homeschooling provides our days. But even more important than these needs, my personal limitations greatly affect our schedule. For years I have dealt with undiagnosed fatigue issues and occasionally some odd stress-related symptoms, so I can only go so long before I just hit a wall. And let's face it -- homeschooling is hard work. By the end of the day I'm exhausted. Shorter and more frequent breaks enable me to run this marathon called life.

So I was intrigued when I read the scheduling suggestions in The Well Trained Mind. The authors give three options for stretching the school year out. The main difference between the three plans is how the breaks are distributed.

Option 1

School - September, October, November
Break - December
School - January, February, March
Break - April
School - May, June, July
Break - August

Option 2

School for three weeks and break for one week, year round.

Option 3

Adjust breaks around holidays and times when everyone is growing tired of school (the authors include a detailed sample schedule of how this option might work).

I decided against Option 1 almost as soon as I read it. There is just no way I could go 3 months straight. What I ended up with was a modified Option 2 that takes some ideas from Option 3. If one were to strictly follow Option 2, the school year would be 39 weeks long. I decided to go with the more traditional 36 weeks, adding those extra 3 weeks to the Christmas break and summer vacation.

Last year was our first year to use this schedule, and it worked great! The breaks came just when we were starting to get burned out, but they weren't so long that we settled into a life of laziness. On the contrary, I use the breaks to get caught up on all the planning/record keeping homeschooling tasks as well as home projects. Not completely caught up, of course. I thought I'd be able to use one of my weeks off to paint the living room, but now I'm starting to think that will just have to wait until Grace leaves for college.

This year the calendar was a little more difficult to plan. The 3 weeks on/1 week off schedule wasn't lining up as nicely with the holidays as it had last year, so I reluctantly decided on a mostly 4 week schedule. Here is our 2008-2009 School Year Calendar:

The weeks highlighted in peach are the weeks we "do" school (because homeschooling really happens every day, right?). Fridays are a lighter shade of peach because I only plan for a half day, which includes art, music, and/or field trips, or for just catching up on work not completed earlier in the week. I can also easily move this half day around within the week, in case we have a dentist appointment, food co-op delivery date, or something else that interrupts our week.

I love our calendar, but we are certainly not married to it. Flexibility is one of the great things about homeschooling. In fact, this year we had to "tweak" our calendar the first week of school! When I set up the calendar I didn't realize that Anna would have her final two championship swim meets the week we were scheduled to start school. So we pushed our start date back a week and took out our August break. Seven straight weeks of school just about killed me, but I'm glad we did it. I now have confirmation that frequent breaks are good -- for me and for the kids. Our calendar has helped us greatly in our goal to slow down, and it has been crucial in taking care of mom.

To download a copy of our calendar, click here.

Taking Care of Mom

Sometimes it's hard for moms to fit in time for themselves. I'm very blessed to have a husband who understands my need for a break every once in a while. This weekend I was able to escape for a wonderful ladies retreat, sponsored by another church in our area. It was chaotic trying to get out the door Friday afternoon, and I almost wished I didn't have to go. But once I was there I was so glad I made it. Besides enjoying the fellowship of other Christian women, I heard the most wonderful speaker, Susan Hunt. You may have heard of Susan -- I frequently see this book at homeschool conferences:





She's also well-known for her many books Biblical womanhood, which was the focus of our retreat. The ladies in my church used this book in a Bible study a few years ago:




And this is the book I picked up at the retreat this weekend. She does a marvelous job of explaining how Old Testament passages point to Christ, so I'm excited to use this book with my kids:


Something I'm keenly aware of is that not every mom can take the time to go off on a retreat for 24 hours. For some it might be because of work schedules or financial reasons. But for some it's because of the special needs of their kids. Many kids with autism are much more severely affected than Ryne, making it difficult to find babysitters that can be depended upon if the child has a tantrum or other serious problem. I subscribe to a local email group that includes a whole range of special needs families. In reading their stories, especially the ones who have children with severe physical hardships and medical conditions, I often wonder how they ever get out of the house.


Nevertheless, I believe it can be done. Moms can escape every once in a while. Parents can go out on a date. It is possible through prayer, and I have a personal story to illustrate. A couple of years after Marc and I were married I started attending Bible Study Fellowship, a weekly interdenominational Bible study that has classes for both women and men. BSF became a very important part of my life, especially once I became a leader. But once I started having children it became a challenge to keep attending BSF because they offer no child care for children under two years old. Sadly, many women drop out for this reason. I couldn't stand the thought of not being part of BSF, so Marc and I committed the issue to prayer. And it wasn't just us praying -- for almost 7 years BSF ladies prayed for my child care issues. It was especially difficult finding sitters while we lived in Chicago because we had no friends or family nearby. I needed childcare twice a week for Grace (once for my leader's meeting and once for the class day). On class days a former BSF leader came to my home to watch her (for free), but for leaders meetings I was often working week to week in finding someone. The week Grace turned 2 and was finally old enough to attend BSF, I made a list of all the sitters we used from the time Anna was born until that week. I can no longer find that list (this is one of those times when I really regret that I did not keep a journal), but I'm pretty sure the total number was in the 30's and may have even been in the 40's. The majority of the women I knew to be Christians, and they were all wonderful sitters. Not once in all that time did I have to miss because I couldn't find childcare. I was just floored at the extent of God's provision. It was a reminder that no problem is too big for God, and that He cares about the details of our lives.


If it seems impossible to take some time for yourself, commit it to prayer (I'd be happy to pray for your needs as well). And look to other Christians for help. Talk to your church leaders. In most cases they would love to help, but they are not aware of the need. Many churches are starting to reach out to special needs families, but they need to hear from us to know how to really help. I don't think it's selfish to take care of ourselves -- it's crucial for us to be effective mothers, wives, and daughters of God.